As you can see, I started this blog over two weeks ago, and since my first two posts I haven't done much with the blog. I haven't even told anyone about it, save one person. I have thought about posting many times, but couldn't think of a decent topic or didn't have the time, or just forgot about it. I was thinking about it again today as many thoughts flowed through my head. I began thinking about why I haven't posted since the first day and why I haven't told anyone about the blog. The reason finally occurred to me...the blog wasn't perfect. You see I'm a perfectionist.
I was first alerted to my perfectionist tendencies in grade 2. My grade 2 teacher thought it would be a good idea to include her students in the annual parent/teacher interview. So I dutifully accompanied my mother to the interview and listened very carefully as the teacher explained what I did well and what needed improvement. At one point she said "Jason is a perfectionist." We finished the interview and all the way home I hounded my mother to explain to me what a perfectionist was and how/why I was one. I needed to know what it meant, if it was a good thing or a bad thing, and if I really was one. Sure enough, once I found out what it meant and that it could be a good or a bad thing I realized that I was a perfectionist. In high school I had an art teacher tell me the same thing, this time in a conversation with a few other students. She explained that I was the good kind of perfectionist in that I always tried to improve what I was doing in trying to make it perfect, I didn't continually start over.
My present state of perfectionism takes a number of forms. I may not start something in fear that I can't make it perfect. I may not finish something in fear that it is not and cannot be perfect. Or I won't reveal something to others in fear that it is not perfect. This blog is a combination of all three.
My hope for this blog is that I can put my thoughts out there for others to see, to challenge my thoughts and help me refine them (i.e. make them more perfect), share my thoughts and self with other, and along the way learn more about myself. And I'll try not to offend anyone when I use the blog to vent about people and things that annoy me.
1 comment:
Hey. Me again.
Yeah, I hear you about the perfectionism thang. I, too, am a perfectionist, and I, too, often fear starting (or sometimes finishing) things for fear of turning out something sub-par.
Actually (heh heh), I am working on blog #4 - simply because the other three weren't "good enough." Well, that and I couldn't think of a name that didn't sound stupid.
Speaking of blog names, is that "small city" fag, or small "city fag"?
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